You say politics, I say fakakta

First, the headline. It’s Yiddish; it’s onomatopoetic.

Fa-kak-ta — if it hasn’t already, it’ll come to you.

Speaking of which, our elected representatives are acting like pigeons around a three-bean casserole on an abandoned picnic table.

We begin in the Second District, where Congressman Markwayne Mullin, fresh from schooling us on the four branches of government, decided to not stand idly by while the television career of a self-conscious, This I know for the bible tells me so ignoramus is stilled by political correctness and the missionary position.

“The fundamentals that founded our great nation included the freedom of speech and religion. Unfortunately a man who simply voiced his religious belief, which is protected by our constitution, is now being punished.¹

Phil Robertson of “Duck Dynasty” — a man of God, a man of Madison.

“It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus,” Robertson told GQ in a now-infamous diatribe. “That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.”

Jesus wept.

“Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there,” Robertson continued. “Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men.”

Jesus then repeatedly pounded a Duck Commander Cold Blooded Copperhead Duck Call^® into his forehead.  Meanwhile, Mullin must have pulled a groin getting from Robertson’s encyclical to other homophobes to here …

“I support their rights and their view of traditional marriage that is between a man and a woman.”¹

Yeah, that was Papa Duck’s point. And why is it only when morons-turned-millionaires-turned-morons (yeah, I know, he’s a college graduate) take their hatred out for a spin (and use scripture as cover) does the right wing trot out the First Amendment? So if Martin Bashir couched his criticism of Sarah Palin in biblical terms—like using Ephesians 4:18 (“They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart”)—Mullin would have treated him like a martyr, too, yes?

Maybe the Dixie Chicks can write a song about it.

A horse, a horse, your hypocrisy for a horse

Jim Inhofe, recently recovered from his successful quadruple bypass surgery — paid for by his government-sponsored healthcare (you’re welcome again, sir) — rode his horse at the Owasso Christmas Parade (because Jesus was invited), dismounting long enough to talk about statue envy in Oklahoma City:

Sign my petition and stand against Satanists trying to put a statue next to Ten Commandments in Oklahoma!²

You stand against Satanists, Mountain Man, I’m wearing a  garlic and amaranth necklace and calling a priest. 

Inhofe, incidentally, along with Oklahoma First District Congressman Jim Bridenstine, introduced a joint resolution earlier this year that would ensure “the U.S. Government protect religious minority freedoms internationally.”

But apparently not in Oklahoma City if there’s a pentagram present.

While we’re at the capitol, let’s check in on state leaders and see what they’re doing to fund the building of storm shelters so Oklahoma young’uns won’t be strewn along I-44 like litter next time a Category 5 storm comes a-calling.

… the plan, which would use revenue from the state franchise tax to pay the $500 million debt, does not have the governor’s support.³

To wit …

“I am not sure that is the best way of doing it,” Fallin said.³

And what is the best way? Why, tax cuts, of course.

But Republican leaders maintain that eliminating taxes, especially those on businesses, will encourage more investment in the state, generating more money for communities to pay for their own needs.³

Perfect. Let’s wait for companies to have a profitable first quarter before we start pouring concrete. Younger generation, Pfft! In my day, ma and pa just put us in the cellar and covered us with mattresses.

And we conclude …

There’s no place like home, no place like home

Ooops! Wrong musical.

Here in Tulsa, Dewey Bartlett was sworn in as mayor for a second term, and rhetoric, instead of soaring and doing a pas de deux with angels, fell pathetically from the back of NeWSolutions truck, was slapped with a “green waste” sticker, and set on the curb for a Friday pick-up.

“And there will be water in the river,” said the mayor. “I can’t tell you how it’s going to happen, specifically, but there will be water in the river.”⁴

Water. OK. Got it.

We have hopes in the months ahead our new/old mayor will be a sane voice in Oklahoma politics (admittedly, a low bar to clear), lose Rick Santorum’s number, refrain from talking about guns and ACA, and stop torturing the English language.

“I won’t kick the can down the road of passivity.”⁴

Even the can thought, “What kind of fakakta analogy is that?”