On giving and getting

Showers, registries and the satisfaction of going rogue

Are you a bride or groom and you’re not sure you want a wedding shower? Shut your face. You’re about to marry the love of your life and people want to buy you presents? This is a dream scenario based on years of tradition, and you will not muck it up by trying to be humble. It’s time you saddle on the right gift-accepting attitude and focus on making the perfect registry.

First things first: How to deal with people in the wedding industry. I don’t want to stereotype you, but if you were even momentarily considering not having a shower, you’re probably the same person who thinks it’s stupid, maybe even fake, when salespeople in the wedding industry are super nice and ask you all about your wedding. I was that person once, but pause for a moment with me. How many times in life is someone paid by someone other than yourself to be overly interested in your life? The answer is next to never. Let these people do their job. Don’t be a jerk. Tell them what you love about your future spouse’s eyes, what color the bridesmaids are going to wear and how your fondant bird wedding cake topper is going to wear a top hat and bow tie and might even be winking.

What you don’t need

You need less than you think. A rule my husband and I figured out well after our wedding, when digging through overstuffed kitchen drawers, is that we don’t need contraptions that only do one thing. Cheeseburger slider patty shaper? That’s a cookie cutter for meat, and the cookie utensil will work just fine on ground beef or dough. Omelet pan? Use a regular pan; you’ll be so much cooler at your omelet parties if you just learn to flick your wrist ever so slightly to flip the eggs on your own. Also, your kitchen will be cleaner and easier to organize.

What you need

I look back and think I probably already had what I needed, but should have just registered for nicer versions of what I had. Think high quality basics. Silverware, towels, measuring cups, etc. The moment you register for something weird, I promise it will be the first thing I will buy you if I’m invited to your shower. A creamer shaped like a cow? Wacky ice cream sandwich makers? Yeah, the best kind of people, who I assume your friends are, will always pick these over towels. But will the cow creamer keep you warm after you step out of the shower? And will it bring you enough joy to outweigh having quality towels that do not lose color after ten uses? I think we can all agree most people are much more intimate with their towels than their creamer. 

Advice for shower guests

So you’re perusing your friend’s wedding registry and realize you do in fact have incredibly impeccable taste and truly do know better what is stylish and perfect than your soon-to-be-married friend?

I’ll say it; you are great a blessing to your friend. Buy that off-registry gift. Do it to your heart’s content, but be cool—like, really cool, if and when you don’t see your gift at your friend’s house in a year. That’s just the price of being better than other people; they won’t always recognize your superior taste.