Jesus and WordGirl

Tulsa Christmas Parade privatizes the public square

It’s only September, and try as we might to avoid doing so, it’s time, once again, to return to the wacky world of Tulsa Christmas parades—coming to you this year with bigger floats, cash prizes, and dizzying amounts of disingenuousness.

“We are so pumped,” he said. “Not just about the parade but about the birth of our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ.”

That’s Paul Ross of American Waste Control, who is equally excited about, well, let him tell you. 

Ross … said huge balloons were a big hit with children last year, and this year’s parade will have more of them, including a 58-feet-tall Word Girl, Clifford the Big Red Dog and Cat in the Hat.

Nothing captures the true meaning of Christ’s birth more than a gigantic inflatable girl in a cape, I always say.

WORDGIRL follows the everyday life and superhero adventures of WordGirl as she fights crime and enriches vocabulary usage. She is joined in her adventures by a monkey sidekick named Captain Huggy Face.

Sure hope parade organizers booked the monkey, too.

Now, as parade aficionados will remember, last year, this was called the American Waste Control Christmas Parade, but American Waste Control was dropped because the jokes were just too damn easy. Organizers contend the event now embraces the holiday’s true message.

… the parade will have a huge lineup of marching bands, with $6,000 in prize money for the top band.

Reminiscent of Melchior being named top Wise Man after bringing the gold.

Board member Josh McFarland reminds us how close we all came to having Beelzebub as parade grandmaster.

The parade “had a kink in it for a while, … but we came together. That’s what Tulsans do.”

Not for nothing, it was not a kink, it was by design. When former sponsor PSO decided to change the name to the Parade of Lights in 2009, it did so—and good on them—as an acknowledgement that everyone—not just Christians— should be able to enjoy a holiday without being tethered to the Christian story.

Sen. James Inhofe then said he and the horse he rode in on wouldn’t be riding in on.

“They took Christ out of Christmas, if He’s out, I’m out.”

The man does have a healthy self-image, doesn’t he?

And even if Jesus was born on Dec. 25, once you book giant cartoon figures on strings,  you’ve already embraced modernity’s influence and have forfeited any right to get your sackcloths in a wad because Christmas is off the banners. Further, WordGirl and her monkey, Clifford the Big Red Dog and the Cat in the Hat have as much to do with Jesus’ birth as does a bag of Tropical Skittles, so lighten up about the War on Christmas. 

This year’s event—called “An Old-Fashioned, Family Christmas”—promises, nonetheless, to evoke warm Christmas nostalgia, including $25,000 sponsorships and car giveaways.

Making this even more distasteful—no small achievement—is the double Salchow Mayor Bartlett performed in shilling for it.

"If it was up to me, I’d call it a Christmas parade, but I also understand that we have a diverse community, and I’m sensitive to the importance of the many cultures and traditions that make up our city,” he said.

Sensitivity is so 2010. Here was the mayor last month:

“Build a float make a statement about our community about the giving nature we have of the birth of Christ.”

Huh?

Is the mayor suggesting this diverse community of Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Sikhs and non-believers come together and build a float to celebrate Jesus?

Oy.

It’s not just the name that’s the problem, even though we now have two “Christmas” parades in town (apparently we were short). It’s the commandeering of the public square. Businesses that supported the parade—and certainly public officials who ran it—once cared about making everyone in the community feel welcome. Former NYC Mayor David Dinkins once called this nation a “gorgeous mosaic.” On Dec. 12, some tiles will be missing, for there will be a parade in town celebrating only one faith. If you’re not pumped about that, get over it. It’s the reason for the season. Ask WordGirl.

For more from Barry, read his article on Tulsa's problem with sports.