'Tough' breakdown

Your nifty guide to Tulsa's three-day bicycling extravaganza.

By Matt Cauthron

St. Francis Tulsa Tough

From modest beginnings a mere 9 years ago, St. Francis Tulsa Tough has grown into one of the nation’s premiere bicycling events for racers and spectators alike. The three-day festival features professional-level criterium races in three separate downtown locales, long-distance Gran Fondo rides through the city and surrounding suburban and rural areas, and a host of festive activities surrounding the events—ranging from family-friendly to… um… not-so-family-friendly. We’ve got all the info you’ll need to navigate Tulsa’s annual two-wheeling bonanza. For more, visit TulsaTough.com.

Glossary of terms

<< criterium [n] — A multi-lap bicycle race held on a short, closed course, with intense speeds, sharp corners, and eventually at least a couple of stray chunks of skin.

<< gran fondo [n] — From the Italian for “great distance” or “great endurance”—depending on which Italian-to-English dictionary you prefer—a mass bicycle ride over a long course, for nothing more than the love of cycling and fun.

<< cry baby hill [n] — It hurts so good.

Friday, June 6

McNellie’s Group Blue Dome Criterium

Per tradition, Tulsa Tough gets its wheels spinning in the Blue Dome District with the twilight crits to kick off the weekend. If you’ve never seen professional bicyclists riding in large clusters at ludicrous speeds while navigating an unending maze of 90-degree turns, you’ve been missing out on sporting spectacle at its most exhilarating. Friday night’s festivities will include a fireworks display near the end of the final race—the men’s professional 60-minute crit.

Start/finish line: 2nd Street, just east of Elgin Ave.
First race start time: 6:15 p.m.
Final race start time: 8:50 p.m.
Purses: Women’s Pro ($7,500); Men’s Pro ($12,000)

George Kaiser Family Foundation Brady Arts District Criterium

Saturday at Tulsa Tough is an all-day affair, with 13 crit races winding through the Brady Arts District from morning through night. The races begin and end near Guthrie Green, where a family-friendly festival will lend a celebratory vibe to the proceedings. Activities include bicycle races for kids age 9 and under, as well as a “Bear Clinic” (1-3 p.m.), where kids will get a free stuffed animal and learn safety and medical tips from St. Francis Hospital volunteers.

Start/finish line: M.B. Brady Street & Boston Ave.
First race start time: 10 a.m.
Final race start time: 8:50 p.m.
Purses: Women’s Pro ($7,500); Men’s Pro ($12,000)

Gran Fondos

Unlike most other bicycling competitions of its kind, St. Francis Tulsa Tough hosts two days of Gran Fondo rides, with courses ranging from 35 to 104 miles through the streets of Tulsa and beyond to the rolling hills north, west, and south of the city.

The rides, held Saturday and Sunday (June 7-8), reward endurance over speed, and are more of a “party on wheels” than their high-intensity criterium counterparts—perfect for the less experienced cyclist who wants to participate in a mass-start, professionally organized ride. Although these rides are not considered races, prizes will be awarded based on time for those who prefer an element of competition.

Check-in for the rides will be at 6 a.m. each morning, and the rides begin at 7:30 a.m. Routes close at 5 p.m. each day. At ride’s end you’ll have access to convenient bike parking, cooling tents, and plenty of food and beverages.

Saturday rides // Distances: 38.9 miles, 68.4 miles, 103.8 miles
Start location: John Hope Franklin Blvd. and N. Elgin Ave.
Sunday rides // Distances: 35.1 miles, 62.4 miles, 103.8 niles
Start location: 15th Street and Riverside Drive

It’s not too late

If you’re on the fence about saddling up for a Gran Fondo ride—(first of all: Quit being a scaredy cat)—you’ll still have time to register on Friday night at the Blue Dome criterium races. Look for the registration tent at 2nd Street and Elgin Ave.

Townie Ride

Perfect for families or anyone seeking a fun, leisurely ride around Tulsa, the Townie Ride presented by the Lobeck-Taylor Family Foundation will get you in on the Tulsa Tough action. The free 8-mile ride (or the 5-miler if that’s your bag) starts Sunday at 2 p.m. at 15th Street and Riverside Drive.

More on the Gran Fondo rides, including maps, schedules and more

New Medio River Parks Criterium

Among bicycle racers the world over, Sunday at Tulsa Tough is as notorious for its punishing climbs as for the mad gaggle of partying spectators it attracts. The River Parks criterium starts innocently enough. Racers begin with an idyllic view of the Arkansas River and the various families and racing enthusiasts assembled amid the park. Then they take that fateful right turn.

They begin to climb the impossibly steep incline known as “Cry Baby Hill,” so named because it has been known to turn the most formidable of athletes into sniveling, driveling puddles of goo. They soon encounter a depraved throng—many in wild costumery, most in various states of inebriation, all wearing grins of celebratory joy and (I swear) civic pride.

“Can you believe this happens every year in Tulsa?” Maybe no one actually says it, but it’s implicit in those grins.

Rules on the Hill

2014 theme: Disco. Costumes encouraged.

Safety: You’ll see some quasi-official-looking, Disco-besuited gentlemen barking orders, blowing whistles, and wrangling crowds. Listen to these men. Do as they say. They are here for the safety of the riders and the spectators. They help ensure that no one gets hurt, and that Cry Baby Hill in its present glory may continue on for years to come. Help them by publicly shaming any and all who violate their directives.

Don’t bring dogs or strollers. Really, if you’re considering bringing a dog or a baby to Cry Baby Hill, it’s time to rethink some life stuff.

Never touch a racer, or spray water directly in one of their faces. Spray them with water, yes, but not directly in the face.

Always mind the gap.

A window into the madness

If you’re frightened by grueling feats of endurance and/or debaucherous feats of idiocy, you can see the highs and lows (oh, the lows) of Cry Baby Hill from the quiet comfort of your social media feeds, thanks to everyone’s favorite tech trend, the hashtag. If you do brave the Hill, use this magical text gimmick to show the world how Tulsa hosts a bicycle race.

#CryBabyHill | #TulsaTough | #TakeMondayOff